Long Distance Relationships

A little over three years ago, Mark decided to move us from Pennsylvania to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. At the time, I was miserable.  My family was in Pennsylvania, as was my best friend outside of those I'm related to by blood or marriage.  I don't make friends easy.  My mother says I'm antisocial.  I go a little easier on myself and say I'm asocial.  Either way, I'm not into people.  That being said, everyone needs friends, but my aversion to meeting people coupled with my lazy demeanor make it hard to maintain long distance relationships.  

My best friend*, who we shall call Taco, had recently met his soon to be wife, who shall be called Salsa**.  Together, Mark and I consider them to be our best friends.  It was shortly after the inclusion of Salsa into our group that Mark made his moving announcement.  Before this, we had begun going to karaoke on a regular basis where we were generally rock-stars.  Well, they were rock-stars; I was more of a groupie.  I remember sitting with them and talking about how much I didn't want to move.  Most of it was because I had them as friends.  The fact that I was going to be out of reach of my family was too much to deal with on top of all that.

When the time came, we moved.  We had very little notice.  My brother***, my other brother, and my mother were kind enough to accompany us when we moved.  They stayed with us the first week, easing the transition a bit.  After that, there was so much unpacking to do that it wasn't bad.  Taco and Salsa visited.  There was my new job which kept me occupied, but there is a lurking sadness when you leave those kinds of ties behind.  

I am the root of my own problems, as I won't call someone once I haven't called for a while.  I will stop making the effort to connect and glaze over it with silly excuses.  The truth is that the people you love will always be happy to hear from you.  All it takes is a decision from you to act.  Call.  Text.  Write.  Make an effort to connect with the people you care about, and they will connect with you.  It has taken me three years to realize this, to get past my fear that distance would diminish their love for me.  

While it seems that our move has been all doom and gloom and rain-clouds, there has actually been a great deal of positive repercussions.  I now have a job where the people I work with seem to like me, or at least tolerate me.  I feel like what I do is appreciated, and I like working there.  It's an amazing feeling.  I feel better about myself in regards to my work as well.  I've never had a problem completing any task set before me in a work setting, but now, I don't feel that my own failings as a person are over-shadowing my performance.  All things about work are better since we moved.

My relationship with my husband has always been strong.  We want nothing more than to spend time together.  It's hard to believe, but even with my underlying sadness about being away from my family and friends, Mark and I are happier than ever.  

I've gotten off topic.  I'm supposed to be talking about long distance relationships.  If an opportunity arises that requires you to move away from friends and family, don't immediately say no.  Don't immediately say yes.  Weigh the pros and cons.  The people you are close to will stay that way with a little effort on your part.  Don't be afraid.  Long distance relationships can work.

It will be hard though.  

Today, Taco and Salsa became a value meal when they added Nacho**** into the mix.  I am overflowing with joy for them and so extremely sad because I'm not there.  I know they are surrounded by an outpouring of love from all the other friends and family that are there, but I wish I could have been there.*****  It would be an honor to meet the life they have created.  I will someday, but this is one of those days that I hate being in South Carolina.

Long distance relationships are hard to maintain, and if you don't put in a bit of effort, you can lose touch with people.  In our society, with so many instant ways to interact with people, you would think no one is ever too far away to be reminded that you love them.  Learn from my mistakes.  Don't make excuses; pick up the phone.  

You'll miss birthdays and weddings, holidays and dinners, but you should never be afraid to make a change.  If you have to move away, just remember to keep in touch.  To those of you who are my friends up north, I miss you and love you.  

*This term will be used in this article to refer to the only person or persons that I am not related to by blood or marriage that I consider to be my best friend.  This does not indicate that they reciprocate the feeling; it is simply indicative of my beliefs.  My husband is my best friend, and I am close enough to my immediate family that I consider them all my friends.  This term is being used to label people that I have no other attachments to, save friendship.

**Because salsa is sexy, that's why.  Stop asking silly questions.

***I'm not sure if brother is the right term or if twin is more appropriate.  Ryan and I were extremely close.  In the year before we moved, Ryan met his soon to be wife, so we hadn't been spending as much time together.  Nevertheless, he dropped everything to help us move.  He's a good brother.

****I'm sorry to call your child Nacho.  He's much more amazing than that, but I had a theme going.  I really wanted to call someone guacamole, but it's green.  It's not attractive enough to be any of you.  

****Not for the actual event.  I've read about that stuff online.  <shudder>